The Elusive pair

An embellished tank top and a mini toulle skirt held together with a large figure belt and teamed with a pair of structured heels,accessorized with a trendy pair of Wayfarer sunglasses and patent handbag. Recently while shopping in Cape Town, I’ve hunted and captured all the above essential items, to combine my “hot” look for this summer, all but the Wayfarers. Now, if you have any stake and claim to the society of trendy fashionistas out there, you will know that Wayfarers are the way to go.

These sunglasses have single handedly caused me to break-away from the FP (Fashionista Party) and form my very own WWIL (Wear What I Like Party)! I’l be the first to admit that there have been countless occasions in the past, where I’d sworn to never been caught dead in this or other trendy item of the moment. Admittedly, I would Iater find oodles of those very items in my wardrobe. How? I don’t know. Case and point being skinny jeans, ankle boots, stripes, blonde hair, the Victoria Beckham bob… the list is endless. This time around, as self appointed president of the WWIL party, I willingly put my entire handbag and perfume collection as collateral, as I solemnly vow to never being caught dead or alive in Wayfarers!

As president I condemn the pressure placed on fashionistas to wear ill fitting clothes and ludicrous hairstyles all in the name of looking “hot”. I condone the use of second hand shops to find that precious 40’s silk vintage dress, to hold on to your Jackie O inspired sunglasses, to raid your mom’s closet for her skinny and figure belts, waist coats and colourful beads from back when. Under my leadership, women and men over certain sizes who cannot find a decent pair of skinnies, are welcomed to hold on to their bootleg and flared denims. To go shopping dressed in precisely what they wish, all the while preserving the notion of looking “hot” without getting lost in it.
Granted there are people who pull off the Wayfarer look effortlessly, but those people are very few and far between it seems. Just this morning I bumped into a well styled lady dressed in all black embellished pumps,stirrup leggings and matching batwing dress. Stunning so far until I saw perched on top of her head… Wayfarers! Its criminal I say! All one ends up looking like, is a less risqué clone of Dame Edna? Considering its shape, which is inclined to smaller frames, they therefore automatically cancel out any individual who does not possess that specific jawline.

It seems as though sunglasses are the foundation of my strife’s with fashion trends. What with the sunglasses at night phase still sweeping the country…but that folks or should I say fashionistas, is another gripe for another day.

I am strange. People keep telling me this and I have grown accustomed to it. One of the ways in which this strangeness manifests itself is my aversion to shopping. Yes, you read correctly – I despise shopping. I am in my twenties, I am a girl and the mere idea of going on a shopping spree sets my teeth on edge.

Shopping in Cape Town is a near Olympic sport. Women (and men) from all walks of life participate gleefully in this intricate leisure pursuit, the smell of burning plastic lingering in their wake. They frighten me, these athletes of accumulation. Fluorescent lighting seems to have no effect on them. Neither do queues, screaming children or overbearing shop assistants. They are single-minded in their pursuit and nothing gets in their way. Me? I am both impatient and chronically indecisive. Commission-based shop assistants smell me and my gullibility a mile away and fluorescent lighting makes me feel like a deer in the headlights. Not a good combination, I’ll tell you that much.

In order to overcome this crippling dislike of shopping I employ lists. I plan a shopping trip in the same way the military plans hostile takeovers – carefully and with obsessive precision. I know beforehand what I need to get, where I will be getting it and how long it will take me to get it. Timing, of course, is crucial. Go to the shops when it is too busy and the schedule will be compromised, go when it is too quiet and chances are you’ll get ambushed by bored shopping assistants. Neither is conducive to a successful shop and therefore it is necessary to establish the Golden Mean (i.e. the perfect time) for each of the shops you plan to visit and then calculate these into the over-all time schedule. Quite stressful and time consuming really.

Food shopping on the other hand, now there’s something I enjoy. Open-air markets are an especial favourite. The bustle of stall owners, the smells of fresh produce, the vibrant colours of the wares on display – what’s not to like? There’s nothing like the simple pleasure of weighing a fragrant tomato or aubergine in my hand to put me right at ease.

There is a fresh food market in Stellenbosch that I used to frequent. My boyfriend and I would go on Saturdays and leisurely cruise the stalls. Around lunchtime we would buy freshly baked ciabatta’s, cheese, cured ham and a bottle of vino and settle down at one of the trestle tables with our spoils. We would assemble our sandwiches and eat them in relative silence as we watched the market crowd go by. Women with strollers, fathers with kiddies on their shoulders, old couples and young people all enjoying the bounty and buzz of the market. Some Saturdays two young guys would settle by the central fountain and play tinkling flamenco tunes of their beat-up guitars…Utter bliss.

So, I guess I have to contend with the fact that I will never be any good at shopping for clothes and things and that I will always be wearing shoes that should in all rights have been thrown out weeks ago. But, if you ever need someone to accompany you on a gastronomic excursion, remember – I’m your girl.