Who trusts anyone that tells them at 2am in the morning that a hot air balloon safari would be wicked while drunk?

Later that day I got a teary call from someone who sounded like they’d swallowed a cactus. She’d woken up ready and raring to go (possibly still drunk). Misleadingly and stupidly, she thought she’d survived the night unscathed and happily got ready for the trip. They arrived at the take-off spot, got into the basket, held hands and gently drifted into the air as the sun lit up the sky. It was truly beautiful for a moment but ten minutes into the tranquil summer morning, silence was shattered by the mood-killing sound of vomit hitting the floor. Apparently she’d taken a nauseating look at how far away the ground was, caught a whiff of champagne being popped and decided romantic this was not! And it didn’t stop. They argued (she blamed me), she vomited (he blamed me too), he held her hair back, she vomited some more and the balloon pilot pretended he wasn’t horrified as he awkwardly, and quickly attempted to navigate to the landing spot. They drove home in silence.

When I asked her, days later, what she remembered about her oh-so romantic ride in the sky she said, ‘nothing but how loud my vomiting sounded up there’. This is definitely not something any guy should have to take into account when planning to propose. We laugh about it now, of course, and he asked her to marry him a few weeks later on an even more romantic weekend away, with no shooters.
It’ll be a good, educational story for the kids one day. ‘Daddy’s romantic hot air ballooning was a unique and expensive vomit fest for mommy, kids. And that’s why you shouldn’t drink!’.

Wow, animals.

So, you want to see lions kill a zebra and pretend you’re the king hunter by getting a close-up photo. But which Safari tours enable you to see the animals, guaranteed, and not just some lame buck and a few rocks that look like rhinos, but aren’t?

Well, wrong attitude, for a start. Wrong actions as well.

South Africa is a wildlife kingdom, but the animals are protected in a manner which still allows them to roam free as close to as possible to their natural habitat while still allowing the tourists the chance to be awed by their magnificence. The main point here is that the wild animals do not perform as you wish just because you happen to have a car or a bakkie. They are wild, and will do so as they please. Sometimes you get lucky, but most of the time just being in the presence of such abundant wildlife can be awe-inspiring. If you are only interested in the ‘big five’ you’re destined to miss out on the more obscure and hidden pleasures of the Safari tours. Rather go to a zoo if all you want is to tick off the biggest animals in the guidebook.

Just because you happen to be surrounded by metal, doesn’t mean that this gives you the power to shout, throw things, or worse, get out of your car to touch the animals. A bad attitude and no respect for the situation will get you as much grief from the locals as getting out of your car will get from the animals.

Safari tours usually have restrictions on what you can and can’t do while inside the vehicle, but if you happen to be self-driving, please be vigilant and note down any wrong-doings by unlicensed or ill-behaved Safari tours or the tourists. Protection of the wildlife takes cooperation.