I like writing. No wait, let me rephrase that – I love writing, everything about it really. I like putting pen to paper or fingertip to keyboard and watching how the thoughts in my head miraculously transform themselves into tiny markings that together make up coherent words, sentences and arguments. It’s like making magic on a small scale; only instead of paper posies and vanishing rabbits you have metaphors, similes and idioms – language running riot on a page, recreating the images in your head so that someone other than you can experience it.

This is why I detest, despise, abhor, loathe, scorn, disdain, shun, have an aversion towards and spit upon the very concept of Lolspeak. Lolspeak, aaaaaargh! The very term puts my teeth on edge. Who on earth came up with the idea to desecrate our language in this manner, to backtrack on years of language evolution to create this incoherent mishmash of terminology that has all the elegance of a wounded wildebeest? When did poor spelling become avant garde?

What rubs me the wrong way even further is that there is no way of stopping it. The use of this detestable way of writing is spreading like wildfire, rabidly moving beyond the web into the realm of text language, written language and, most detestably spoken language. (I even heard of a law student who answered an exam paper in Lolspeak.) Have we no pride? What happened to being proud of your linguistic prowess? To being ticked over the fingers for poor spelling, sloppy pronunciation and illegible handwriting? I read the other day that schools in America are thinking about substituting ground level writing skills with keyboard literacy. You have to wonder if writing, like knitting, crocheting and embroidering, will become just another quaint historic skill in the space of a generation (“My grandmother used to write my grandfather letters on paper, with ink!” “LOL, no way! They haven’t done that for centuries.” “Yes way, come over this afternoon and I’ll ask my mother if I’m allowed to show it to you.”)??

The funny thing is, that the concept of Lolspeak (also known as internet language, Netspeak and Chatspeak) has been discussed since 1989 when a Computerworld article first mentioned the use of emoticons. There has been a variety of opinions regarding its ever increasing prevalence. Some experts maintain that internet slang is a brand new form of language evolution that should be embraced as way of extending the range, expressiveness and richness of our language. Others lean more towards my viewpoint and argue that it doesn’t serve to enrich, instead it merely abbreviates existing terms and stunts the linguistic growth of students that are meant to be mastering a language, not butchering it.

I am so adamant about this that in some ways I cut my nose to spite my face. If I type a long text message for instance, I will make a point of typing out every word (even adjoining terms) while using correct grammar, punctuation and spacing. I even leave a space after using a comma. And I would keep doing this even if I should ever resort to online dating. This might be a bit drastic and futile in the grand scheme of things, but it serves as my own personal rebellion against this rising force of stupidity. Suffice it to say, as far as I’m concerned people who use these terms profusely are either incredibly susceptible to lame trends, genuinely incapable of spelling or just plain lazy – none of which are admirable characteristics.

But, hey, that’s just me.LOL.